Whatever force is causing the phenomenon, the number of powerful men who have succumbed to scandal and the magnitude of their fall from grace is remarkable. Astrologers can probably pinpoint the peculiar planetary alignment responsible for the recent spate of “weenies gone wild,” all we can do is give out the awards.
No matter how often it happens, we’re always surprised when the truth turns out to be at odds with what we expect. Remember the disappointment when Toto pulled back the curtain to reveal that the Wizard of Oz was nothing more than a big talking head?
This awards for this summer’s Shameless Weenie Roast go to the ones that fooled us the most:
Game Changing Weenie:
John Edwards: He had no idea how finished he was when he dropped out of the race for president. A guy can overcome disappointments and go on to bigger and better things. But when his self-image of successful, handsome, devoted family man imploded, the fallout was swift and fatal. His reputation, integrity, family, and career were gone- and that was before his wife Elizabeth died of cancer.
He’s been indicted for mis-use of campaign money and he’s fighting to keep his law license. Even if he wins this battle he’s lost his war. To make his humiliation inescapable, the daughter he fathered with Rielle Hunter will keep him attached to the whole morbid mess.
French Fried Weenie
Dominique Strauss-Kahn: The French are different, as they say. He was an oblivious, powerful, pleasure seeking Frenchman who ran afoul of American puritanism, and then blithely went to lunch. It must have been a shockeroo when he was pulled off the Air France flight and charged with rape. His swaggering cockiness must have deflated faster than a birthday balloon during his stay at Riker’s Island.
We feel sorry for the victim. His lawyers will undoubtedly drag her though hell in an effort to prove his innocence. As for Strauss-Kahn, he will have to reconcile that no matter how powerful you are, there are some things you just cannot control.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: As much as we say anything goes in Hollywood, it’s the political weenies that have been finding themselves in deep doodoo. The Ex-terminator just happens to have a foot in both worlds. When the details of this scandal emerged, it was the type of cover-up that happens only in the movies.
As for Maria Shriver; she was super successful before and we hope she’ll be even more so now, Hollywood loves a happy ending and right now, hers is the one to watch. His is years away.
The Weenie Incognito
Anthony Weiner: Just as his political star was ascending, he thought it would be funny to take a picture of ‘Weiner Jr.’ and post it to female Twitter followers. As soon as he hit the SEND button he knew it was a mistake and tried to delete his man parts from posterity. NOT happening! The internet is an unforgiving monster when it comes to keeping private parts private. Not only was his manhood beamed all over the world, his serial sexting habit was exposed.
His cyber lapses will probably cost him a few years of eating crow with family, friends, and fans, and may even derail his political aspirations. Sophomoric compared to the rest of the bunch, but maybe this mortifying moment snipped a potential Weenerator in the bud. There’s no surer Weenie Wrecker than having to publicly cry over your own lies.
“The soup is never a good place to be when you’re in it. ” Flashionista