Beauty is a great attention grabber, but sexy is a whole other ball game. It’s a common misconception that physical appearance and sexiness are always part of the same package. It was Christian Dior who famously said,” no beauty is attractive without zest.” As a man who dressed the most beautiful women in the world, he would know if what was on the outside matched the inside.
What’s sexy now is an intangible mix of traits, none of which includes expensive clothes, sexy lingerie, or a buff body. In fact, listed together, what makes us sexy also makes us great to be around. Sexiness is more than skin-deep, it’s about attitude, a strong personal self-image and the willingness to engage and be engaging.
Retain a little mystery. Another day, another celebrity vajayjay; Mob Wives, Jersey Shore, and Living with the Kardashians. Reality TV has made it so lucrative to expose our dirty laundry, it’s easy to confuse crass with class. It’s sexy not to tell your life story to every stranger you meet. Once a mystery is solved, it no longer holds our attention.
Love yourself. We know we should stop worrying about our waist size and celebrate what’s working, but it’s not that easy. There’s even a term for it: “negativity bias”. The pleasure of the good is outweighed by the pain of the bad. Jonathan Haidt, psychologist, researcher, and author of The Happiness Hypothesis, writes that there are only 3 ways to change our minds: by meditation, cognitive therapy, or Prozac. NOTE: Meditation is easy, cheap and has the pleasant side effect of making those who practice it look and feel more radiant.
Build a wardrobe that boosts your confidence. Kim Johnson-Gross, author of “What to Wear For the Rest of Your Life”, says, “You can’t fake sexy. Looking sexy is about feeling great in what you wear. Whether it’s a fitted pair of jeans or a divine evening dress, when you look in the mirror and can’t help but smile, you’ve achieved sexy success. When you’re clothes-confident, you feel more body-confident, which will help you feel more life-confident—and sexy!”
Laugh with gusto. A genuine belly laugh is not only sexy but highly contagious. Laughing relaxes the whole body and triggers the release of endorphins, which provides temporary pain relief, promotes an overall sense of well-being and boosts the immune system. But beware, phony ha-has are easy to recognize – even actors have to create something that sparks a genuine laugh in order to look like they’re NOT just acting.
Keep your sense of humor. Just in case we take ourselves too seriously, it’s helpful to remember that the best humorists mostly honed their talent by laughing at themselves. We’re funny creatures. According to Match.com, a sense of humor is always among the top traits listed by both men and women when describing their ideal match.