Bad Boys and Misguided Sperm 2009

Until now, the ESPN analyst and former Mets general manager dodged ‘inconvenient truths’ by moving from one high profile job to another.

When production assistant Brooke Hundley stalked his son on Facebook and wrote graphic letters to his wife detailing their affair, Phillips did what any semi-intelligent master-of-the-universe would do, he listened to his publicist.  He admitted he had a disease and checked himself into rehab for his sex addiction.  Phillips and Hundley were fired.

Golly, gosh, darn.  This is just a heck of a mess…

Since 1982, America’s favorite Hoosier has gone to great lengths to create the persona of an erudite, out-of-touch goofball in a celebrity crazed culture.  But Hollywood celebs, heartland squares, and titans of industry all have one thing in common when it comes to temptation, sometimes they forget which brain to think with!

As Liz Smith puts it, “he wants to party with ladies who haven’t given birth to 8 children.”

As we stand in solidarity with the wronged wife, we can’t help questioning Kate Gosselin’s choices.  Not that looks are everything, but what exactly blinded her about this chubby, spiteful, feckless, slob, that she produced 8 children with him?

Thank God the kids are adorable, and TV-worthy, because she needs to keep them working on the show so she can afford to support them.

The South Carolina Governor was caught trysting with his Argentine paramour and not hiking the Appalachian Trail, as he told staffers.  It was uncomfortable to watch, but we couldn’t turn away as we tried to match the blathering fool on TV with the author of those torrid emails.  His “apology tour” went on and on, with stops to beg forgiveness from family, friends, staff, “people of faith”, and “everyone who lives in South Carolina.”

This once soaring political eagle crash landed after fouling his nest so badly that he’ll spend the rest of his life cleaning up the mess.

The cast of characters are spilling their guts all over the media.  The aide, who refused to take the fall for Edwards, is writing a book.  The wife, has already written a book, appeared on Oprah, done multiple interviews, and continues to fight cancer.  Edwards himself is currently lobbying for the support of his (so far unwilling) family so he can claim paternity for his child with the mistress who told Newsweek she wanted to “help John Edwards make history…”

There may be things more interesting than sex, law, and politics – but we’ve yet to discover them. Every time a politician holds a press conference to apologize for embarrassing his family and disgracing his office, we’re glued to the screen.

Hookers? Yes, please. Interns? Definitely. Crack pipes? We’re there. Gulping down every detail.